Unconscious Bias
Ever see someone at the grocery store wearing an outfit that doesn’t quite fit? What about someone whose make-up looks more like a make-down? Or when you see two or more people of the same gender holding hands in public? Or even something when someone’s doing the same activity as you but has a different skin tone?
Seeing these things for some people is unbearable and they believe it’s in their right/duty to control, critique and change others that don’t equally align to their definition of what is “right.” Watching these people biting their tongue until they explode is a sight to behold. It’s palpable. For them, it’s not enough to fuel their judgmental predispositions; they need to action and confront it too.
If I could count the number of times I thought or said something judgmental about someone who was different than me, I’d be singing the intro to Rent a few dozen times…. *stares off and hums the tune of Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes…* I’m not perfect and never claimed to be, but I generally stick to a more socially acceptable wardrobe and gender identify because that’s what I prefer. But when I’m feeling flamboyant or frisky and stray from those boundaries in public… I get gawked at, whispered about, pointed to and confronted almost every time.
It’s important to always remain introspective. I can’t critique or judge someone else’s behaviors without reevaluating my own. Trust me, the irony of wanting others to believe as I do while I tell them to stop trying to convert me is not lost on me. The primary difference, though, is that I simply want everyone to believe whatever is healthy and happy for them to believe, and then to leave everyone else who differs from them alone. I’m not actually suggesting that everyone favor or dislike what I do, or follow the same wardrobe rules, etc. You get the picture....
But looking back at a lifetime of my own ignorant behaviors makes me nauseated. I was raised in a semi-rural, small community that propagated stereotypes and taught me lessons that I wish never existed. Gays, Blacks, Asians, Special Needs or Disabilities of any sort, etc. were all referred to by their foul stereotype slang. I won’t say those words, but you probably know exactly what I mean.
As I entered adulthood I came out as gay during my senior year of college. The LGBTQ+ community preaches, advocates and encourages equal treatment, but don’t let that trick you. Everyone in that group is human and most (if not everyone) have been guilty of being judgmental to even other members of our community that don’t match us exactly. What I’ve learned is that humans reject or fear what they don’t initially understand, and our first unconscious thought is typically critical as a subconscious method to maintain survival. But being “woke” beings, we have more conscious thoughts and are capable of critical thinking, so those initial natural thoughts grow into a learned behavior. We see things that we think reinforce our thoughts, and then boom - our thoughts are validated and can officially be called “facts.”
And, I imagine this cycle is the same for many of you reading this post too. Guess what?!? It’s ok if you’ve done this - you’re not a bad person and there is a significant possibility that before today, you weren’t even aware why/how/when your biases and thoughts were originally formed. Pretty much every human you know will be guilty of judging the book by it’s cover until they’ve taken time to read the pages. What makes the world more complicated today is the pressure to decorate your cover because for most people, no one ever takes the time to read the pages inside. We feel pressure to decorate our covers with superficial flair that rarely resemble anything of our actual lives, and then crumble when we are held to that standard. No person should be disallowed from making innocent mistakes; no person should feel it necessary to fear being themselves; no person should have the right to torture, hurt, kill or limit the pursuant of anyone’s happiness, no matter where they live.
But from this day forward after reading this post, you will have the knowledge that your initial biases might be misguided, but they don’t have to stay that way.
To better understand what’s actually happening, it’s important to learn the principle of biases. According to the University of California San Francisco (https://diversity.ucsf.edu/resources/unconscious-bias):
“Bias is a prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another usually in a way that’s considered to be unfair. Biases may be held by an individual, group, or institution and can have negative or positive consequences.
There are types of biases
Conscious bias (also known as explicit bias) and
Unconscious bias (also known as implicit bias)
It is important to note that biases, conscious or unconscious, are not limited to ethnicity and race. Though racial bias and discrimination are well documented, biases may exist toward any social group. One’s age, gender, gender identity physical abilities, religion, sexual orientation, weight, and many other characteristics are subject to bias.
Unconscious biases are social stereotypes about certain groups of people that individuals form outside their own conscious awareness. Everyone holds unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, and these biases stem from one’s tendency to organize social worlds by categorizing.
Unconscious bias is far more prevalent than conscious prejudice and often incompatible with one’s conscious values. Certain scenarios can activate unconscious attitudes and beliefs. For example, biases may be more prevalent when multi-tasking or working under time pressure. “
Now, let’s break this down a bit more. There are a few reasons this happens with all of us.
First, we’re not perfect. We’re taught from a young age that we need to be the best version of ourselves and that usually looks like a replication (or slight “improvement,” depending who’s assessing it) of your childhood guardians’ or teachers’ principles. And any time you’re taught a lesson from another human, you can almost always expect certain biases to be passed through their teachings. These biases can be negative or positive, and are the main reason why social norms differ by culture and region. One culture might appear more prudish while another too liberal; but those cultures developed a value system that worked for them over generations. This is the “nurture” part of the equation.
Second, fear of the unknown causes our natural fight, flight or freeze response which is ingrained naturally, deeply and differently in our subconscious. Ours bodies are capable of preserving life and preventing injury, which is why, for example nerves in a hand will notify the brain via pain receptors when it contacts something hot. The mind naturally responds to unfamiliar intellectual stimulus in a similar way, and that can prompt a primal response of rejection. This is the “nature” part of the equation.
Third, trauma of any kind can drastically alter how you cope with information. Trauma has the ability to override any lesson you’ve learned or natural response you were predisposed to. Emotional triggers are powerful things and how your mind and body change to respond to those triggers are a crucial factor in how you will interpret future stimuli. Just like triggers associated with trauma can result in an undesirable response, positive emotional triggers can bring significant and positive development. This is the “trigger” part of the equation.
This is why I believe our biases follow this formula:
Nurture + Nature + Trigger = Individual Biases
Contrary to whatever you were taught, IT’S OK TO HAVE THOUGHTS THAT DON’T ALIGN WITH WHAT IS EXPECTED OF YOU BY YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE. Having bias is not a sin nor do I think you’re inherently bad when those biases don’t align with mine; it’s what you choose to do about those thoughts/biases that matters most. Some people aren’t taught how to overcome negative thoughts and that’s why it’s extremely important for those of us who have privilege of knowledge to use it for the greater good. Don’t cast someone out because they don’t share your background or ideals. Over time, we can all learn to open ours minds and watch as unconscious biases all but fade away. Obviously, I only suggest training your mind to accept behaviors and thoughts that improve your own life and the lives of others. If you’re training your mind to accept unhealthy or immoral things, please reach out and seek help before you act on it.
As humans, we’re very judgmental. We see someone doing something that we think is wrong, and we’re off to grab our pitchforks and torches to punish them. And lately, the masses aren’t just satisfied with a heartfelt apology; they want to take the erred’s fame, job, money, reputation, time and future away as retribution. I’m horrified seeing all the people who’ve lost their entire empire over a moment of (or ongoing moments, but still genuine) ignorance, or anyone who’s lost their entire future after going to prison from making a critical mistake. I do get it, when we see someone break a rule, we instantly want to check them and/or cancel them if the offense was big enough…. But is a super faux pas really all it should take to strip someone of everything they built? My opinion - it depends on the “crime,” but I don’t believe we all as consumers can cast so much judgement and we need to treat people as innocent until proven guilty. As a consumer, we have a right to buy or not buy anything we want, but before posting slandering comments, post/re-post something that paints a negative image, or make fun of someone, just think of how many social or actual rules you’ve broken recently and then decide if you’re able to judge someone else. Would you want to be treated the way you’re treating someone else?
I think we need to accept that being human is messy and that we’re all struggling with the constructs of social norms. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than punishment. Kindness is more effective than rudeness. Rehabilitation is more important than retribution. So, let’s try to be kinder when people show their humanity.
Learn to recognize genuine mistakes and ignorance, and don’t judge those who make mistakes so harshly. In almost every instance, we rarely get more than a fraction of the full story, so how is it even fair to publish an assertive opinion? Let’s agree to stop weaponizing past words spoken/written and instead use what was said to ask an open question about the intent behind it. If and when a person shows continual disregard for kindness or “willful ignorance,” then we can talk about consequences, but that shouldn’t be our first recourse. Call me naive, but I think most of us forgot how effective a warning can be to a person who made an honest mistake before kicking in an official punishment phase. It’s not a get out of jail free card… It’s a lifeline for people who need help, a second change for those who had a moment of weakness and a chance for rehabilitation who need to experience forgiveness. I hope I continue to practice what I preach and you’ll join me in challenging yourself to do the same.