Are you aware when you’re not aware?
A follower sent us a great question - “I love your energy! You both seem very aware of yourselves when you speak. How do you do it?”
Well first of all, thanks for the feedback! And if we gave you that impression, then WOW we’re off to a better start than we realized… We do try to be mindful of the actions we take and the language we use, but often find ourselves making those human missteps that sometimes result in a pretty impactful life lesson. But it’s wonderful to know that our efforts were noticed!
Mindfulness is a muscle we want to flex as often as possible and we hope it comes across to our audience. After getting this question, we took a moment to go back through our posted content and evaluate whether or not we actually felt ‘fully aware’ during those conversations. I was personally shocked to realize that I wasn’t as “woke” as I thought.
According to Wikipedia, “Self Awareness is the experience of one's own personality or individuality. It is not to be confused with consciousness in the sense of qualia. While consciousness is being aware of one's environment and body and lifestyle, self-awareness is the recognition of that awareness. Self-awareness is how an individual consciously knows and understands their own character, feelings, motives, and desires.”
Ok, that was a heavy read - So what does it mean? To Willian and me, we interpret self awareness as a higher layer of thought that sits above our speech, thoughts, laughter, fear, love, etc. It’s a true understanding of the “why” and “how” behind our actions/thoughts. Achieving true, perpetual awareness is a masterful skill of which we are still in the early stages of development.
We also realized that we are more aware of how our behaviors impact you, the audience, while at the same time overlooking the impact we have on ourselves and our own mental health. An example of this is the self-deprecating language I use when I describe myself. I don’t know exactly when it started, but I do know why. I grew up getting tortured for my weight and for “being gay” even before I knew it myself. It taught me to de-value myself because clearly if everyone else thought less of me, I should too. I started joking that I was overweight or unattractive and soon used that as ice breakers in conversation or to start off a big speech.
I thought if I could own the pain instead of waiting for someone else to take it from me, at least I maintained that power. And before long, those negative, judge mental thoughts about myself shaped my inner beliefs and started to reflect into how I interpreted my environment. I lost the ability to be self-aware because my focus was on the emotion and pain itself. Perhaps the next time I catch myself doing this, I will take a brief step back and connect with my value so I may achieve an improved, healthier mentality that comes across to you as I always intend - open and inclusive.
This follower’s question gave us an opportunity to rethink and rephrase the narratives that go through our subconscious and for that I’m truly grateful. The more we practice it, the better we’ll become at using inclusive and engaging language while staying away from divisive and or triggering rhetoric. And in time, that repetitive behavior will transition from conscious action to subconscious thought, and in effect, reverse the experience around the past traumas we’ve faced. It’s such an exciting and empowering prospect, and it’s all thanks to an engaged viewer.
We came up with some other scenarios in which practicing self-awareness can make a big difference in social settings. In our experience, it’s best to avoid:
Asking questions about something which we really don’t need/want the answer
Asking unrelated questions or making comments about someone else without knowing all the facts
Making a critical judgement or assertion about a topic or person without knowing all the facts
Sharing unsolicited feedback before first asking permission to share it
Processing/discarding recyclables and reusables in their proper waste stream
Discussing income or taking advantage of privilege, especially in front of others
Categorizing people according to their traits - we will instead try to frame feedback about a single person in the context of our experience with that person, and not just categorizing them in a factual manner
Inappropriately staring at someone with a visible physical disability or traits that you don’t like
If you’re genuinely curious or concerned, considering asking a sincere question. But otherwise, remember to live and let live...
Judging mental disabilities as if they don’t matter
And believe us, the list feels like it could go on forever. Notice some of these say “without knowing all the facts.” This is because we couldn’t think of a single time when either of us ever knew all the facts about someone else, much less about ourselves. There are always unseen or uncontrollable factors at play, so actively training the brain in non-emergency situations to judge less and to elevate thoughts more is a powerful tool for improving social interactions.
This isn’t about finding all the ways that humans ‘can’t’ interact, it’s about just being aware of your behaviors and thoughts and correcting social faux pas while still being able to celebrate individual value. Self-awareness is as much about self-worth and value as it is about understanding thoughts/behaviors and how they impact your environment.
We hope you will join us in our journey to practice this intentionally. We’d love to hear some of your experiences in the comments below!
From our Royal family to yours,
We wish you peace, success, love and happiness, always.